children vs. adults

Flashback.

Last month, during the enrollment period, we had to go to our respective advisers for approval of the subjects we were to take. As a freshman in the graduate program, my adviser and I had the inevitable Q&A portion during the pre-advising part of the registration procedures. It was basically a getting-to-know-you conversation since we'd be spending the next 2 years or so together, academically.

I sat next to her while she asked me questions. The first part of our conversation made me a bit tense but excited still.

Adviser: So, Clinical Psych. What are your plans?
Me: Well Ma'am, basically, I am working full time now and I'll be taking 2-3 subjects per semester.
Adviser: What do you plan to do after finishing your degree?
Me: I might quit working full-time when I finally have to work on my thesis and hopefully get a job related to my field of interest. After that, I'd probably pursue my Ph.D.
Adviser: A lot of studying I see.
Me: Yes, I guess.
Adviser: How old are you again?
Me: 22.
Adviser: Ohhh...

And it went from something mundane to something seemingly simple yet strikingly significant.

Adviser: Clinical. So, you want to help people. Who do you want to help, kids? adults?
Me: Adults. I prefer adults. I don't think I can handle kids better.
Adviser: Really? Are you sure?
Me: I don't know. I'm not really sure but I always have this soft spot for kids and I might be too affected if they're facing problems or issues. It scares me and I might lose heart.
Adviser: Really? Don't you think adults are more complicated.
Me: I guess so but I think I would be able to handle them.

My adviser, Dr. Violeta Bautista, appears like a straight cut-out from a more domestic version of Elite Philippines Magazine or the Philippine Tatler. She was so refreshingly lively and pretty yet she has this comfortable, homey feeling. She was wearing this maxi skirt, which has been a fashion craze lately, and a simple top accentuated by a long, bright but neat scarf. Everyone had their eyes on her with her elegance and a hairstyle that almost screams the word, 'fabulous'. Most interestingly, someone was following her behind wherever she went as if the only way to tread was the way she took. I'm not sure about the breed of the dog but he sure is a darling.

Anyway, my adviser just actually stands out from the rest of Psychology faculty because of the positive and eminent aura that she exudes. When I first saw her and learned that she was my adviser, I knew I was going to like her and I did, I actually do.

After our brief talk, the questions she asked just slipped out of my mind until recently when I've had this "reflection phase". Reflection, in a sense that I try to understand why I did things, said things, how I should deal with them, if I had ulterior motives and what I learned, even in the simplest of events.

"I don't think I can handle kids better."

Thinking about it now makes me really wonder if I could really handle adults better than kids. Living together with my parents until I was 16 kept me protected from all forms of harm and influences I got to know. Living away from my family and staying in the metro for more than 6 years now has also changed me a lot. Most of these changes were brought about by my new environment, my liberal education and most influentially, the people I interact with. More than a year now as a full-time employee, I still get to learn more than I'd expected. I thought I knew a lot of different kinds of people with the fact that I lived as a dormer my entire college life but I realized that it has also confined me to people who are more or less my age with the same UP mindset.

But being in a working environment where I interact with people from all ages and backgrounds, different schools, varying social interests and viewpoints, I learn of things, of ways that make adults more complicated than we'll ever understand. And recently, that conversation with my professor played back so vividly in my mind and for a while I thought of the answer I gave her, even questioned it myself.

People will continue to be complicated, more complicated with time, I guess, because essentially, change is inevitable. I take this a challenge now. Early on, one of the seemingly petty reasons why I wanted to Psych, was to understand and help my friends who seemed to have all kinds of problems this world has to offer. But now, I am more determined and even inspired to finish my studies and practice my profession to be able to sincerely help people and hopefully, to enable them to also help others, directly or indirectly.

I hope I would really be able to handle adults better when I finally get my license and practice. I hope I won't forget, even for a second, of why I want to pursue this profession. I hope will consistently have this passion and dedication for Psych, even more, as I further my studies. I hope that someday I would be of genuine help to people, without causing harm and with the best kind of impact on their lives.