much ado about everything

I have tried to stay quiet, out of respect, regarding the recent issue on the 16-year old UPM student, who committed suicide. The first time I’ve heard about it, I was shocked and totally devastated. Suddenly, the social media was flooded with posts about her untimely demise and most of them were blaming the system. Student leftist groups claimed that the system essentially killed her. They suggest that she allegedly committed suicide after applying for a Leave of Absence (LOA) for not being able to pay for her tuition fees on time. Honestly, the first thought that came to my mind was that: this could not have been the only reason; but well, might have been the biggest one.

Then came this storm of angry posts lamenting on UPM’s policies on tuition fees and late payments. I, too, was enraged by this realizing that a 16-year old UP student, with a bright future ahead of her, could end her life because apparently, she couldn’t afford a public education.

In 2007, the same year I entered UP, the Tuition and Other Fees Increase (TOFI) was implemented. My sister, who also graduated from UP, had a tuition fee of around 6,000Php-7,000Php per semester during her college years. As for me, I had to pay a thousand per unit and so after filling out my registration form, a whopping 21,000Php+ worth of fees welcomed me to UP. Luckily, my parents could still afford to pay for that amount. But Kristel’s family had financial difficulties. And more than sad, it is infuriating to realize that a state university like UP has tuition fees which are as high as private ones.

That is why I, too, wanted to express my rage regarding the fact that our very own institution, which should have been protecting our basic rights, is actually doing the opposite. 

With my Facebook and Twitter pages filled with these rages and with me being stuck in an office, all I could do was share photos and remind friends in the media of ethical issues to consider when covering suicides. I was still concerned that maybe Kristel have other reasons for doing what she did and I wanted to respect her so I just tried to empathize with her and her family. I was more afraid too that the case would be sensationalized by the media.

Eventually, just as I’d expected, blog posts and other Facebook statuses spoke of depression and things other than her LOA being the reason for her suicide. However, I was gravely dismayed by a friend’s post showing a series of tweets from a certain person saying that Kristel was stupid for ending her life like that and she should be blamed for her family’s misfortune-- arguing that if she had finished her education, she would’ve been able to help them but instead she committed suicide. He was pointing out that she should be held responsible if the family’s financial situation becomes worse in the future. I mean, seriously? 

Objectively speaking, suicide will never be a good thing and it’s never the best way to solve things. But now, the young girl is already dead and with her family grieving over this terrible incident, people like him, like us, who do not even know her, should just learn to respect. She can’t explain herself anymore, or even defend what she did that’s why what those people (who do not go with the “blame the system” reason) can do is to just respect her and her family. Suicide is not an honorable death but speaking ill of her doesn’t make one honorable either.

As days passed, student and professional bloggers crowded the virtual world with their opinions on the issue. Statements from Kristel’s parents, friends and teachers also circulated the web. The UP Manila Chancellor, UP President and even the Palace then released their statements creating more and more attention and perspective on the case. I wasn’t able to track every statement out there but everyone seemed to be defensive. 

Later on, another blog post about the case roamed the social networking sites. This time, another UP student particularly focused on the emotional needs that Kristel probably felt during that time. Again, there were those who opposed and there were those who agreed. I think she has a point though, because personally, I believe that encouragement and emotional support make us stronger and more rational when things sometimes become unbearable. Also, although there were still some points in her post where I disagreed and life is more than just taps on the shoulder or hugs, her article was still interesting as it provided another view on the issue. 

I am not saying that Kristel might’ve been depressed or suffered some mental problem. Research has shown that in some countries, most teenagers actually suffer from severe emotional problems or yes, depression. This view is actually not about Kristel but some other thing we can learn from the incident. Some might say that we are veering away from the main issue but it is also interesting to point out that psychological problems can also be the reason for someone to take his/her own life. However, in our country, being depressed can already equate to being crazy. I’ve also realized that, some of the people I know and even some of my friends who undergo therapy don’t want other people to know that they do because our society oftentimes judge them and look at them differently, as if they have some fatal contagious disease or something. I am not an expert on psychology or psychiatry but as I’ve observed and from my interest in these kinds of things, I believe we should be more sensitive about this topic. 

I came to UP as a conservative but my mind was liberated to the many possibilities of this world; that I shouldn’t be judgmental towards others and that I should keep an open mind. As a Journalism graduate, I’ve also learned to verify facts, to triangulate, to be humane, to be an ethical person and many other things that now, I know I should be living up to. 

However, just this morning, while browsing through my Facebook feeds, I saw a friend’s post about the said case, yet again. When I opened the link, it was the blog of a college batchmate. We were friends but we weren’t that close. Her post was about a UP Law student who severely insulted her with foul words that even I was offended. It started with her sharing the post (the one I’ve discussed above) of another UP student with whom she shared sentiments with regarding the case. At first, they started with relatively “ok” comments but later on it became more personal that I thought it was very ironic for that guy (who is the vice-chair of a “national democratic mass organization of Filipino youths”) to say those heartless and overtly insulting words to her. I was particularly furious when he commented this: 

“Sad. But dont slash your wrists. With all that fat, you'd need a chainsaw to do the job. Don't forget to position your morbidly obese corpse near the compost heap, so at least you could contribute something to the environment.”

My mouth just dropped and I couldn’t even… It was just totally out of the line. Although I thought that she could’ve just ignored him but what he said was totally indecent considering that he was a student leader. This actually is the reason why, finally, I had to write about all this. And this recent bashing on the internet is also an eye-opener for me. 

I admit, whenever I read comments that are sometimes different with what I firmly believe in, I used to have these thoughts of how ignorant or uninformed those people are. But I‘ve never made such comments as blatantly and publicly as he did. I remember once, when I was still a freshman in Diliman, I saw this blogpost about one of my favorite books and probably the most popular one by Paulo Coelho, “The Alchemist”. That blogger said that he didn’t like the book for reasons I thought were too shallow. I commented on that post and told him that the book is philosophical, and that it is about appreciation and more than the adventure, it is the lesson that’s significant. He replied that maybe, those kinds of genres are not for him. Back then, being the bookworm that I was, I found it really irritating so I didn’t reply anymore. 

But with this lashing out by a fellow Iskolar ng Bayan made me rethink about many things especially about this suicide case. We are all (to some degree) free to speak out our opinions—that’s very basic. I believe we have to stand up for what we believe in. I believe that we can also correct others especially when it involves facts, that we can contradict others’ statements and that we can fight for the things we stand for. But I also firmly believe that we should do it in a professional manner, in a way that clearly states what we mean and most importantly, in a way that is consistent with what we are preaching or fighting for.

The following day, after he was badly criticized for his extremely harsh comments, he posted an apology to her on his Facebook page. Well, at least he had the decency to realize his mistake and feel sorry for it. But the damage has been done.

They say that Kristel’s case is an isolated one and that people shouldn’t make such a huge fuss about it. Yet, I realized that there are a lot of things we can learn from this incident. 

First and foremost, education is our right. Every Filipino deserves quality education, regardless of class, religion, political affiliations, etc. UP is a state university and its policies should also be aligned with the rights of every young Filipino dreamer out there, especially the less privileged ones. The government dwells on plans and projects focusing on development but education is one of the most important cores in the progress of a nation. I believe that a progressive nation is a democratic one with transparent and efficient leaders and more importantly, well-informed and well-disciplined people.

Secondly, life is hard sometimes and we have to get rid of our biases and stereotypes about people who receive some sort of psychological help. They are as human as we are but maybe a little more vulnerable and fragile. We become instigators of prejudice when we judge them and this is basically the opposite of what we should do. Being the (overly) sensitive person that I am, sometimes it pains me how rationality and technological advancement make people forget about kindness and compassion. At times, for me, even a stranger’s smile could make my day a tad brighter. Most of people today care more about earning money, impressing the boss or expanding their businesses that they forget to ask their friends and families how they are or how they’ve been doing. These simple things could always make a difference especially in these times wherein technological distractions are as increasingly influential as public opinion. 

And speaking of technology and also as my last point regarding this issue, the social media has been gradually elevated from being a simple medium to being a platform in voicing out opinions, a major venue for social discourse and most importantly a determinant of either the success or failure of a wide variety of issues, with both local and international relevance. Also things like this suicide case which propelled a lot of problems and solutions, should be a lesson to each one of us. As much as it has been stressed before, I think I still need to emphasize the importance of self-regulation. People on the web should learn to control and regulate themselves. I guess this is very difficult to deal with that is why the Cybercrime law was created (which I am totally against of). I still believe that there are a lot of responsible bloggers and a lot more people who promote ethical practices in using the social media. But of course, there will always be those who may intentionally or unintentionally offend others or recklessly comment and irresponsibly speak out their minds, but I am not losing hope. As long as we are determined to learn to discipline ourselves, the government wouldn’t be spending millions of pesos in passing legislations such as the Cybercrime Law. Instead, this amount could be used for other more important needs such as education, health, etc.

Although much has been said about these things, I guess it wouldn’t hurt if I would stress these a little more in this blog. But even if this is my virtual domain, I encourage everyone to always give comments or constructive criticisms. After all, as what George Christoph Lichtenberg said in The Waste Books: “Nothing is more conductive to peace of mind than not having any opinions at all.”

And here's another I can't help but include:

“You are not entitled to your opinion. You are entitled to your informed opinion. No one is entitled to be ignorant.” ― Harlan Ellison

Kristel was laid to rest last March 23. I sincerely hope this is the last of suicides that’ll happen because of financial constraints in one’s education and all other reasons out there, for that matter. May she find peace and love and regain the hope she’d lost in her physical life. And may her family be blessed as she watches over them in her place in heaven.

-Jenina A. Borromeo (March 21, 2103)

a letter to facebook friends in their teens and pre-teens

Dear youngsters,

Please stop talking about forever, about true love, about your angsts in your relationships and anything and everything about love EVERY single *insert curse word here* day.

Well, it’s true that some of the greatest love stories started out with teenagers being infatuated and eventually getting married after 10 years or so of being together, but please, stop posting every feeling you have whether it be good or bad (worse if it’s bad) every minute of each day towards your boyfriend/girlfriend. It’s annoying basically and just so you know, by doing this, the decline of your social media personality becomes congruent to the decay of your emotional maturity.

It’s actually nice to see couples commenting or complementing each other or showing their love for each other in the social media but it feels suffocating for others to see that out of 100 statuses, 99% is about your relationship. Sometimes, you just have to keep some things to yourself especially if it involves a problem between the two of you. You don’t always have to brag to the world that you’re so happy in your relationship; the world would just notice and compliment you for it. You don’t have tell the world either that you’re having problems with your relationship because only 5% of your facebook friends actually care, 30% are secretly happy that you’re miserable and the rest are just there because they have no choice. Do us a favor, stop doing that. You can be vague, yes, but please don’t make every status that you post sound like you’re prepping up a romantic novel consisting purely of puns and metaphors and a hundred or so emoticons.

Psychologists suggest that the social media has become a great tool for people to express themselves or vent out pent up feelings inside them. It’s been proven, yes. But personally, it’s irritating to see your wall flooded by these emo and cliché lines that make you cringe just at the sight of a heart or a hashtag in almost every word they type.

I have nothing against love or couples, it’s just that you also have to consider that people are actually seeing these mushy posts every single time they scroll down the webpage. Some would say that if you don’t like what they’re posting, just ignore it or better yet, unfriend them. I think the latter would be rude in many cases so I’m just posting this and hope every youngster out there gets to read this.

Please, kids. Please, please, please. There’s a lot more to the world than just facebook. Hit the books. For now, I’ll try to understand you and extend my patience as I’ve extended the time pressing the pagedown button every time I see your love posts. Also, I know things will make more sense someday for you. Your pre-frontal cortex isn’t fully developed yet so I’ll somehow have to accept your irrationalities and impulsiveness for now. But I hope you get to read this. The world doesn’t revolve around you nor does it revolve around your boyfriend or your relationship. Please, get a life and live it well. 

On a lighter note...here's something I read in psycomedy.com...very apt. 

Father: Doctor, I’d like you to evaluate my 13 year-old son.

Doctor: Ok, he’s suffering from a transient psychosis with an intermittent rage disorder, punctuated by episodic radical mood swings, but his prognosis is good for full recovery.
Father: How can you say all that without even meeting him?

Doctor: “I thought you said he’s 13?”