Two of my dearest team mates have
resigned recently. Karen is going to pursue her nursing background and she’s
currently undergoing training as a dialysis nurse. Ivan, on the other hand,
wants a shift in his career and is now a policy officer at IBON Foundation, a
non-stock non-profit development organization.
When Karen first informed me that
she was already filing her resignation, I was a bit shocked because even if she
already had plans of leaving before, I didn’t expect it to be so soon. Karen,
why so soon? (huhu)
Meanwhile, Ivan’s last day at the
office was last May 31. I’ve known his plans about leaving too and he was even
pushing me to apply for that position but I had other things in mind.
Eventually, he decided that it was time for him to leave the company and
venture into a new career.
We both had farewell dinners with
them and their last weeks in the office were as awfully heartbreaking as the feeling of being
the ones left behind. But as one of my office mates said, ‘People come and go.’
And this time, they had the choice to leave and actually did.
So why am I writing about this.
Here’s another story…
While in the shuttle on our way
home, my dearest friend, Daphne, introduced me to one of her friends in the
office, who happens to be a CommRes graduate from UP and is working as a
part-time writer in Ortigas. They were talking about his part-time job and
suddenly, she pointed at me saying: “Eto, frustrated writer.” If ears could
palpitate, mine could’ve died at that moment.
I know she just meant it as a joke
and nothing more but I suddenly felt my tummy growl and my body produce some
sort of a bitter sting. I didn’t even know what to say. Then, it struck me. Is
this what people think I am, a frustrated writer?
I graduated from the University of
the Philippines College of Mass Communication with a degree in Journalism and I
will forever be proud of that. Boasting aside, my experiences as a Journ
student honed me to become the person I am today. Confidence, resourcefulness,
wit and courage – these are just a few of the things I painstakingly earned as
a Journalism undergrad. But obviously, compared to the experiences of those who
are working as full-time journalists in the media, my experiences are probably
just a speck of theirs.
Honestly, after graduating, I
envied my friends, batchmates and classmates who work in the media. I was so
eager to put to use my undergrad training and be part of a world I have always
known to be my “calling”. I have always loved to write. Whatever mood I’m in,
my only way out is to write. Writing has become my catharsis. If others would
compose songs or draw or paint, I would prefer a hot cup of coffee and words
would just jump out like vomit. I always knew I was going to be a journalist
someday. Until the real calling came…
During my second to the last
semester in UP, I had the weirdest and most amazing epiphany in my entire
existence – “I want to be a clinical psychologist.”
Random. I know. But not really.
I want to become a clinical
psychologist. I will be truly happy if I become a clinical psychologist and I
can do it for the rest of my life.
But why?
Well, my favorite television
series, Bones, can be blamed partly but my love for Psychology itself cannot be
measured by any psychometrician out there. I was so curios about how our mind
works, our motivations, how we cope, our defense mechanisms and most
importantly, how I can help others (mostly inspired by my friends) deal with
their problems and whatnot.
But during that time I was already
in my senior year, I decided to finish my degree in Journalism. It felt as
though Journ was my first love and Psych, my true love. How dramatic. But
seriously, it felt pretty wonderful to finally know what I really wanted to do.
Upon graduating, I still wanted to
pursue my career as a journalist since I didn’t want to waste the four years of
sleepless nights and tons of papers which turn out redder than a geisha’s lips
whenever they come back after being checked. I did my job hunting for two weeks
and finally landed in my current job at Thomson Reuters. Thomson Reuters is a
very reputable company in different areas but as a MassComm graduate, we’ve
always associated it with the media side, Reuters. So I took the opportunity.
When I started training, I was
excited to learn new things but as months went by, I was getting so bored I had
to drag myself and force my work clothes on just to get through the day in the
office. That’s when I felt so jealous of my media friends who are working their
assess off, underpaid, but generally satisfied with their work. There I was
pounding on my keyboard like a madman while they cover different events,
interview various personalities in business and politics and actually practice
my ever loved profession – Journalism.
But after a few more months, I
gained many friends in the office and work was annoying as usual but I knew
better and learned to care less. Then, it struck me again, this time with
realizations.
1. If you are in your 20s (or in
your lifetime, maybe), you should never compare yourself to others. Ever.
~ You are different from them. You
have a different background, a different situation, different priorities and
most importantly, you shouldn’t be living or running your life according to how
others are.
2. Just because someone is doing
something that is expected of him/her doesn’t make that person better than you.
~ Why do people always have to
worry about what others would say about them? Our decisions are ours to make
and we also have to be responsible for them. Do whatever makes you happy and
chase excellence. Success will be chasing you hands down. And people will stop
pushing you to become what/who you’re not.
Insecurities, discontentment,
resentment and envy – these are the main reasons for this world’s unhappiness
and misery. When I was a kid, my mom once told me that I shouldn’t hold grudges
or wish for someone’s misery because then my heart would turn black and die. As
a kid it was a good analogy but even as an adult it makes a lot of sense,
figuratively speaking.
My personal catharsis made me
realize these things and cleared both my heart and my mind. I finally knew what
to do.
So, by December last year, I decided to apply for the MA in Psychology program at the College of Social
Sciences and Philosophy. And three months later, I got my acceptance letter and
now I’m finally enrolled. Yay!
Everything I went through since I
stepped out of the comforts of my ever dearest UP lead me to this new endeavor
I am about to embark on. But, I am not forgetting about writing. Journalism is
something that will always be a part of me and it will stay in a special place
in my heart waiting for its turn. Until then, as my time and resources permit,
I will set this path ablaze for my career in Clinical Psychology. I’ve never
felt this much determination since I took the UPCAT and it feels so good to
finally pursue something you are sincerely passionate about.
As for my friends and office mates
who keep telling me I’m lucky to have had found what I wanted to do in life,
here’s another very important realization:
*Sometimes, life gives you oranges
when you’ve asked for apples. But walk on and you might just bump into an apple
tree or better yet, stumble upon an empty land where you can plant whatever you
please. As one of my favorite quotes say, “It doesn’t matter how slowly you go
as long as you do not stop.”
As for Ivan and Karen, I am truly
and sincerely proud of you. Although this means we won’t get to see each other
as often as before; as long as you are happy, I’ll be here gleefully tapping
you on the shoulder, smiling with your smiles and supporting you throughout.
So…Am I a frustrated writer? I
leave you this question.
As for me, I don’t really care what
others would say, whether they agree or not, because I know that I am happy
with what I am doing and I am proud of it.
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